From Weird to Exceptional

I can't remember if there was anything that happened before, but I can vividly remember: "fruityanny". Actually, the word rings louder and louder as I think about it. Even my "friends" used it to refer to me, you know dique de carinio. I guess it was okay, but they constantly pointed at my yellow socks, my sky blue corduroys, my red tank, my bland hair...Still I didn't think fifth grade was that bad. I had finally learned enough English to sound like the rest of them and well, fuck it I had a well liked big brother. I entered Junior High school and I had a lot of problems, still I knew things could be worse and I just did my thing...I had "loads of friends" the popular kind, but found myself confronting them quite frequently because they picked on others.

 I remember Chris. He was really shy, didn't say much really. Wore his pants a bit high (around his ankles), had glasses too, never really looked up. I defended him once. Asked his name afterwards, he looked up, looked down and almost as if speaking to the ground replied, "Chris". I put the word out that Chris was to not be bothered (I was part of the "popular girls", who would undermine us?--lmaooo kids--). Anyway, I would say hello to Chris every time I saw him, he wouldn't reply; simply looked up at me, back down to the floor and and smile at it instead of at me. I really liked that Chris was a "nerd". Liked that he read a lot, was into video games and was ordinarily by himself. I wanted to be like Chris, but out loud you know?; I liked those things too, but couldn't because I had an image to uphold. Now, I wasn't the one picked on and I knew I wouldn't be an aggressor, not because I knew what it looked like on the other side of the coin, rather because it wasn't within me...I wasn't weak enough to do it I guess.

As I entered high school I hung out with two girls, they weren't really  the popular types but dope as all heck! They were into goth, education, raves, dark things, light things, worldly things...cool things. During college, I found myself alone still. Had opposing views, beliefs, interests, wants...
I don't know how or when I transitioned from being "normal" to "weird" to simply "exceptional"; maybe I was never the first or the second, but I sure as hell was made to feel like I was certainly an unacceptable second (weirdo). I understand that all words are subjective and these are no exception, but I am who defines what I am...Who I am and what I am capable of. Being who I've become may have separated me from the rest of the world, but by no means has it made me less than. Being who I am, may not be in accordance to mainstream, may not be reflective of societal norms, but I am here to serve a purpose beyond norms and as time passes I can only hope to acquire more to separate me from you because honestly being me is dope. ;-)